Wednesday, April 1, 2015
NO FOOLIN'... IT'S APRIL -- WEDNESDAY CARDINAL COUPLE
CARDINAL COUPLE PARODY
It has become a tradition here at CARDINAL COUPLE to present an April Fool's Parody column each year. Some years, we have gotten a bit of flack over this because readers did not read this disclaimer we have posted below:
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>The first article in today's column IS A PARODY. The articles below the parody are not parodies. We hope you'll bear with our sophomoric humor on April Fools' Day for a few paragraphs<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
CARDS LEAVING ACC FOR BIG 12
In a surprising move, the University of Louisville announced late last night that they will be leaving the ACC after one year of membership and joining the BIG 12 Conference. Since most of the UofL Athletic staff is at a post-basketball season luau and monster-truck fest on Sanibel Island to celebrate spring break...unauthorized spokesman Timmy the Intern released the following statement he swears he got from an influential University official:
" The University of Louisville is pleased to announced that they will become one of two new members of the BIG 12 Conference. This move will take place August 1st, so that we can get our football schedule changed in time and Petrino won't throw a diva tantrum. We will be bringing cross-town institute of higher knowledge Bellarmine University with us...so we'll have at least one away game that isn't 1000 miles away.
I have spent long hours wondering...actually lost sleep over the fact that the BIG 12 has only 10 members. The math didn't work out for me...so I called Muggsey over at BU on the hill and said..."Hey, let's do something crazy, let's join the BIG 12!"
We met over at Shenanigan's, hoisted a few and it was a done deal. BU is going to have to get a football team together pretty quickly, but that's small potatoes...we're BIG 12 now, baby!
I kind of like this "difference conference each year" scenario. I get new shirts with different logos. I called my buddy Charlie in Austin to break the good news and he darn near choked on a beef barbeque rib. Yeah, we're gonna have to switch a few sports around...we'll be dumping lacrosse, field hockey and rowing...but we'll be adding riding, roping and shooting! It's the cowboy way.
Most of the coaches I've told this to have asked me if I have gone @@#$%&*! crazy. I thought Pitino was gonna throw me off that second floor balcony he has over there at his palace. Walz is fine with it. He sheds Notre Dame and Florida State..who he can't beat anyway...and adds his old pals Kim Mulkey and Sheri Coale into the mix. Walz doesn't care who he plays anyway...as long as they don't wear blue and have a snarlin' Wildcat on their jersey.
BIG 12, here we come. Saddle up, buckaroos! "
( THIS ARTICLE ABOVE IS A APRIL FOOL'S PARODY. NEITHER LOUISVILLE NOR BELLARMINE ARE JOINING THE BIG 12. THE REGULAR CARDINAL COUPLE COLUMN IS BELOW)
CARDS DOWN AMERICAN 20-6 IN LACROSSE
Louisville got a season high six goals from Cortnee Daley and scored the first seven goals in a rout of American University yesterday in Washington D.C. 20-6.
The Cards got the party started early in typical quick-scoring fashion when Daley got an assist and fed Faye Brust for a score just 30 seconds into the contest. The Cards scored six more times over the next 12 minutes and took a 14-3 lead into the locker room at halftime.
The Cards also scored the first two goals of the final half and won going away...freshman Jillian Balog tallied her first two scores of the season in the final 90 seconds of play.
Things get a bit tougher for the LAX girls next. #2 UNC comes to the Louisville Lacrosse Stadium for a 1 p.m. Saturday draw.
SOFTBALL FACES UK TONIGHT
The #13 UK Wildcats come to Ulmer Stadium tonight for a 6 p.m. game against the Cardinal Softball squad.
UK comes in after knocking off previous #1 LSU twice in a three game weekend matchup. The Cards are riding a six game winning streak.
Free "Red Out" T-Shirts to the first 250 fans and Louisville softball trading Cards will be given out also.
(I'll trade my Kayla Soles and toss in Jordan McNary for your Maryssa Becker...)
Louisville leads the overall series 18-16, but UK has won the last three meetings.
Admission is $5 for this one...but the outfield berm is free as usual. It's supposed to be a beautiful spring evening, join us at the ol' ballpark and cheer on Pearsall's Pulverizers!
MOORE HONORED WITH AP ALL-AMERICAN HONORABLE MENTION
Freshman Mariya Moore has picked up another basketball platitude...being selected to the Associated Press All-American selections as an honorable mention. She is one of only five true freshmen to receive this recognition this year.
Moore was previously named to the Blue Ribbon and Coaches' All-ACC second team and the freshman team.
Moore had 25 games this season with double-figure point production and led the Cards in scoring with 13.4 points per game. She'll have an active summer as well, rejoining her teammates on the 2015 FIBA U-19 squad as they pursue the World Championships in Chekhov, Russia from July 18-26.
Louisville seniors Sara Hammond, Bria Smith and Shawnta' Dyer will also be doing a bit of travelling....headed to Tampa, FL to participate in a international travelling team combine that will tour Asia.