( Today is April 1st and we bring you our annual April Fools Parody column. The following is a parody and not factual. Enjoy our feeble attempt at humor and prank someone today...)
THE WALKING CARDINAL TO DEBUT SOON
|TAILGATING WILL BECOME MUCH MORE|
THE WALKING CARDINAL on April 2nd.
CARDINAL COUPLE co-owner Paulie Sykes brings the news:
"We are excited to bring the joy and excitement of Louisville women's sports to a larger vein and combine our journalistic aspects with the thrill and danger of killing walkers and surviving in a zombie society. Imaging the excitement of combining sports pursuits with kill shots to a rotting corpse's forehead and getting splattered with rancid blood while scoring a goal or making a steal!"
|WE HOPE ATTENDANCE WON'T SUFFER WITH THE INTRODUCTION|
OF BITERS TO THE EVENTS.
"Why not spice it up a bit and put some biters out on the court and maybe the term 'kill' in Volleyball would take on a new meeting. Imaging Maya McClendon spiking one over the net and taking a Zombie's head off? Or Hannah Koloski streaking down the lacrosse field with the ball and eliminating walkers on her way to the crease? How about Myisha Hines-Allen clearing the paint of a few un-dead as she drives to the hoop for a score. Why...the possibilities are endless!"
Initial reaction from the Louisville women's sports communities was mixed. A certain high-profile coach who would not go on record remarked:
|CLEARING THE LANE COULD TAKE ON A WHOLE|
A high-ranking UofL administrator, who insisted on anonymity, was appalled:
"We have a hard enough time with visiting fan bases for football games. The last thing we need is FSU or West Virginia fans showing up here with rifles and swords."
The Walking Dead, when contacted, refused to comment on the merger. It is reported, though, that Michonne and Daryl were spotted boarding a plane headed to Louisville.
One of softball's prime players is thrilled about the merger.
" I'd love to be able to use my bat for something else beside getting base hits. Running around first, taking off someone's head and then eliminating the second baseman...yeah, I'm good with that. Imagine Maryssa Becker in the circle, turning loose her fast ball and knocking the batter's head off."
|YOU CAN EXPECT SOME CHANGES IN UOFL|
" I'm not very good with weapons and I don't want to have to worry about carrying a hatchet with me and always looking around while tweeting out field hockey or basketball information."
|CORTNEE AND GRINER PRACTICE|
THE ZOMBIE WALK AGAINST SHONI
As a result of the merger, we're expecting that our on-campus interviews in coaches' offices will probably be curtailed and we probably won't get many in-studio guests for the critically acclaimed CARDINAL COUPLE RADIO show.
...ONCE AGAIN, THE ARTICLE ABOVE IS OUR ANNUAL APRIL FOOLS' PARODY. ALTHOUGH WE'D LOVE TO SEE EMMONNIE HENDERSON CLEAR A FIELD OF WALKERS WITH HER DISCUS...PLEASE BE ASSURED THAT ZOMBIES AND CARDINALS WON'T BE COMBINING...