FRIDAY CARDINAL COUPLE
-Hunter Punter checks in
-Women's soccer exhibition tonight vs. OSU
( Hunter Punter is a fictitious character created by Paul several years ago. In 58 years of coaching multiple sports on the grade school, middle school, high school and collegiate levels -- he never had a winning season. He resides now at the Peaceful Palmettos Retirement Community, where he organizes shuffleboard and bocci tournaments and occasionally forgets to wear pants. Some say he looks a lot like the late Ted Knight. We wouldn't defame the lovable actor with such an insult. )
Got a phone call today from, "the ol' ballcoach" Hunter Punter. Still a big UofL fan and we discussed the upcoming fall season for UofL women's sports.
H.P. " Yes, I'd like to have delivered a six-inch sub with ham and cheese, mustard, no mayo and extra tomatoes. Pronto, bucko, I'm a hungry man."
C.C. "Uh...I think you've reached the wrong number, sir..."
H.P. "Doesn't matter...this isn't my cell phone. Chop,chop...junior! Add some chips, too."
C.C. "Coach...is that you?"
H.P. "Of course it is! Who did you think it was...Henny Youngman? Barack Obama?"
C.C. "Coach..it's Paul with Cardinal Couple! How have you been?"
H.P. "When did you start working at Jimmy John's? And, where that $20 you owe me from my NCAA Basketball Bracket Tournament?"
C.C. "Check's in the mail, coach...How have you been?"
H.P. "My lawyer tells me I got a good chance of getting off with probation and some public service. Hey, it looked like my car and I have no idea how the pistol and the Depends got in the front seat."
C.C. "Well, that's good news! I'm so glad you called. Been meaning to give you a ring and get your views on the upcoming Cardinal fall sports."
H.P. "You mean it's fall already? Well, there goes my plans to attend the Derby. How'd Secretariat do?"
C.C. "Lost by a nose, coach. Have you been keeping up with the Cardinals down there?"
H.P. "I don't seem them often. Seagulls,robins..those pesky starlings and a mockingbird that I'd pay someone good money to pick off with a rifle...darn thing won't shut up in the morning. Who did you say this was?"
C.C. "Paul with Cardinal Couple."
H.P. "Oh, yeah...the sandwich guy. Well get moving, Chef Boyardee...Dr Oz. comes on in a few minutes and I can't spend all day waiting for your delivery."
C.C. "It looks like the Louisville Volleyball team is going to do great things this year coach...any comments?"
H.P. "I coached volleyball for many years, Never could figure out why you only got three chances to get it over the net. I had a girl once that could serve with speed, power, velocity and she'd put a wicked backspin on it. Problem was, she never could get it over the net. I tried to get the rules changed. After all, when a basketball player puts one through the net, everyone gets excited. I even put her on stilts, to see if that would help. Everytime she'd serve, she'd fall off them and still couldn't get it over the net."
C.C. "What do you think about Louisville's chances in Big East Volleyball?
H.P. "They're in the Big East? Who's idea was that? The Missouri Valley Conference...now that was some stiff competition. I liked that conference so much I named my sons Bradley, Drake and Creighton. I wanted to name my daughter Tulsa but the wife wouldn't go along with it. I remember this trip to New Mexico State back in the late sixties when the bus driver got lost and we ended up...
C.C. "Not to interrupt, Coach...but what's your favorite fall sport?"
H.P. "Well, back in my Louisville days, I always enjoyed soccer. All I had to do is roll the ball out in the middle of the football field and those kids would run around for hours trying to kick it, move it and I'd sneak off to the track and play exactas. We didn't have the money back then for goals...I just had two engineering students stand at either end of the field holding two broomsticks taped together over their heads. Get the ball by them, you got a point. Water polo was always a favorite of mine but I couldn't keep the players on the horses."
C.C. "The Louisville field hockey team looks pretty good this year also, Coach."
H.P. "Field hockey. That was one sport I never could understand. I don't know how many girls I had with sprained ankles and banged up knees trying to run around in the grass wearing ice skates. We couldn't afford sticks, so I bought a bunch of used golf clubs from the thrift store. Had one girl actually get a hole-in-one once...hit the ball right through the dean of student's window and in his fish tank."
C.C. "Well coach, it's been great catching up with you. What fall sports do you plan on attending this year?"
H.P. "I'll try to get to a few football games. Not a fan of that Ring Road over at the fairgrounds but I can usually park right at the entrance gate. Till they tow the car away, but I never take my own car so, what does it matter? I'd like to attend a few volleyball and soccer matches as well, but the last time I drove down to campus, I ended up wandering around this big indoor swimming pool looking for Crawford Gym. Took three tow trucks to get the car out of the water. Do they still validate parking?"
C.C. "Give us a call when you get in town."
H.P. "I just called you! Who do you think I am, Ma Bell? Now get that sandwich over here. And toss in a Fresca."
Louisville women's soccer gets the season started with an exhibition game this evening against (The) Ohio State University at 6 p.m. in Cardinal Park. Good chance for Coach Ferguson-Dayes to get a look at the depth of the squad...and get some things in place until leading scorer Christine Exeter gets back from Japan.
Admission is free and the Cards also play on Sunday, this time against Wright State.