Cardinal Couple: walkers

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Friday, April 1, 2016

APRIL FOOLS EDITION -- CARDINAL COUPLE to merge with THE WALKING DEAD Website

( Today is April 1st and we bring you our annual April Fools Parody column. The following is a parody and not factual. Enjoy our feeble attempt at humor and prank someone today...)

THE WALKING CARDINAL TO DEBUT SOON

TAILGATING WILL BECOME MUCH MORE
EXCITING

Cardinal Couple has decided to merge operations with the website of the popular show THE WALKING DEAD and will begin operations under the new name
THE WALKING CARDINAL on April 2nd.

CARDINAL COUPLE co-owner Paulie Sykes brings the news:

"We are excited to bring the joy and excitement of Louisville women's sports to a larger vein and combine our journalistic aspects with the thrill and danger of killing walkers and surviving in a zombie society. Imaging the excitement of combining sports pursuits with kill shots to a rotting corpse's forehead and getting splattered with rancid blood while scoring a goal or making a steal!"

WE HOPE ATTENDANCE WON'T SUFFER WITH THE INTRODUCTION
OF BITERS TO THE EVENTS.

The idea occurred to Paulie while watching Louisville Volleyball earlier this year decimate an opponent who seemed to be zombified by the Cards' serves, kills and blocks. Paulie goes further in his decisioning...

"Why not spice it up a bit and put some biters out on the court and maybe the term 'kill' in Volleyball would take on a new meeting. Imaging Maya McClendon spiking one over the net and taking a Zombie's head off? Or Hannah Koloski streaking down the lacrosse field with the ball and eliminating walkers on her way to the crease? How about Myisha Hines-Allen clearing the paint of a few un-dead as she drives to the hoop for a score. Why...the possibilities are endless!"

Initial reaction from the Louisville women's sports communities was mixed. A certain high-profile coach who would not go on record remarked:

CLEARING THE LANE COULD TAKE ON A WHOLE
NEW MEANING

"Well, it would certainly make defense a much more important aspect of our game. I'd want our players in bite-proof uniforms out there, of course...with head gear. It's hard enough to recruit these kids...I don't want to lose any because of bites."

A high-ranking UofL administrator, who insisted on anonymity, was appalled:

"We have a hard enough time with visiting fan bases for football games. The last thing we need is FSU or West Virginia fans showing up here with rifles and swords."

The Walking Dead, when contacted, refused to comment on the merger. It is reported, though, that Michonne and Daryl were spotted boarding a plane headed to Louisville.

One of softball's prime players is thrilled about the merger.

" I'd love to be able to use my bat for something else beside getting base hits. Running around first, taking off someone's head and then eliminating the second baseman...yeah, I'm good with that. Imagine Maryssa Becker in the circle, turning loose her fast ball and knocking the batter's head off."

YOU CAN EXPECT SOME CHANGES IN UOFL
UNIFORMS...

The merger comes with costs. Co-host of the CARDINAL COUPLE RADIO HOUR Worldwide Jeff McAdams has decided to limit his public appearances at events where walkers will be present. He explains:

" I'm not very good with weapons and I don't want to have to worry about carrying a hatchet with me and always looking around while tweeting out field hockey or basketball information."

CORTNEE AND GRINER PRACTICE
THE ZOMBIE WALK AGAINST SHONI

Anyone who has a good source of small, hand-held weapons or a collection of un-dead we can purchase is encouraged to contact the CARDINAL COUPLE offices.

As a result of the merger, we're expecting that our on-campus interviews in coaches' offices will probably be curtailed and we probably won't get many in-studio guests for the critically acclaimed CARDINAL COUPLE RADIO show.

...ONCE AGAIN, THE ARTICLE ABOVE IS OUR ANNUAL APRIL FOOLS' PARODY. ALTHOUGH WE'D LOVE TO SEE EMMONNIE HENDERSON CLEAR A FIELD OF WALKERS WITH HER DISCUS...PLEASE BE ASSURED THAT ZOMBIES AND CARDINALS WON'T BE COMBINING...

paulie
xxxxx

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RIGHT SIDE OF THE SITE

Welcome to the right side of the site! Table for two? Or would you like a seat at the bar? Over here, you'll find schedules, results, pictures, characters, notices, links and other ennui and general nonsense. We offer and come across. You can find out more about women's sports by following us... by reading daily ! Of course, they've shunned us at UofL and bullied some of our former writers to quit writing here... but we go on anyway.. It takes a great person to attack someone dying of kidney failure. and suffering hypoxema...Please don't double park or take up two spaces while you're here and tip your server !

Who we are and what we do

We are an independent website that covers the joy and excitement of UofL women's sports. We're not about birds here, or trysts with other like-minded couples or major league baseball. We write about women's sports at the University of Louisville. We are non-profit, we run no ads and don't ask you for fees and our writers volunteer their services. We have no premium boards or fee-based reads. We are "daily". Any questions, comments or observations can be left in the comments section at the bottom of any article or sent directly to Paulie at: cardinalcouple@twc.com .. Thank you for reading. As we like to say..."You ARE Cardinal Couple! We never forget that and we appreciate you" !!

CO-FOUNDER AND CO-OWNER

The other co-owner and voice of reason....the lovely Sonja...who returns to us on a permanent basis after what can be called an "interesting" time at Rivals. In her words..."you work, slave, research and study for hours and build a site... a women's board. You spend hours on a three column article and several of the readers decide to take aim at you when all you're trying to do is enlighten. I've never seen so many mis-spellings of Louisville WBB players names anywhere...which made me think I was dealing with third graders over there... I have decided to stay off that street and source from here on out and I'm so glad to be back with those who love and appreciate me... not with haters and self-anointed experts " An avid fan of native gardening, hiking and the Smoky Mountains....she loves German potato pancakes and Led Zeppelin....and reminds you to plant native species. I've only seen her mad once (when she was ready to punch out another woman writer who was spreading lies about her) and I've got a feeling that might be a typhoon you want to steer clear of. One of the original writers on the site (with Paulie and David Watson), she has returned. Not as a columnist, but as a proof-reader, confidant and one to bounce thoughts and ideas off of. She's tired of guys with very limited women's basketball knowledge but huge egos calling her out when they are usually chauvinistic, and can be compared to the dog outside barking at something he can't see...We welcome her back and know she'll enjoy the calm waters here. You've got nothing you need to prove or defend with us....you are among those who love you.

About the photos...

CARDINAL COUPLE uses photos from all sources in the daily columns that we present to you. If we've used a photo you have taken and want published credit it for it...just contact us and we'll be glad to do so. Shoot, we might even write a feature article about you and call your Mom and tell her what a good son or daughter you are. WE avoid pictures that may be subject to copyright. Our legal advisors are busy enough chasing ambulances and wheelchairs when they're not trying to figure out trifecta plays at Churchill. Some of the photos are actually taken by the staff of CARDINAL COUPLE. (When we can get the camera away from the chimps). Paulie uses his cell phone to take pictures, too. You have been warned. Please realize that the captions that go with the photos are sometimes parodies. It's up to you to figure out which ones are and aren't. We can't spoon feed everything to you, you know... Jared Anderson is our main photographer and we have loved his work (even his selfies) for many years. Congratulations if you made it this far in your reading! We know...reading stuff like this can be pretty boring but WE have to put it on the site somewhere so that we can say..."hey, there is disclaimer on the site" in case some bozo decides that they want to sue us or something. Like we have any money. We're so poor we can't even pay attention. We even owe bums money.

I was walking down this road once years ago and I saw this guy chopping down a tree. It was hot, the guy was really sweating and I stopped to watch a while. He finally took a break, cracked a can of beer and then asked me if I had a gun. I hesitated before answering but finally told him that I didn't. He said: "That's a darn shame. I'm cutting down this tree because it's my neighbor's and I'm really pissed off at him right now. I was going to just shoot his sorry a$$...but I decided to do this instead. I'm having second thoughts...though." Sometimes, there just aren't enough trees... (I've never chose that particular walking route since..) .

If I'd taken a picture of that guy working on that tree, I'd been glad to share it with the entire world. That's the way WE see other photos out there. Share 'em and create through exposure and appreciation. We provide credit to the photographer when we feel it's needed. We also pay our taxes on time...